Do you know what the hardest part about being a mom is? The kids. Before I had kids I was an amazing parent. No, seriously, I was incredible. Do you know that I never yelled at my kids before they existed. I was never frustrated with them. You should have seen my patience at a restaurant. Kids loved me. I was the type of parent that never got mad, never yelled, got down on the floor and played with my kids, and would never, and I mean never, ignore my kids whilst looking on my phone. And, not once, did my kid ever throw a fit in public. NOT ONCE. One might even say I was the perfect parent. Supermom. Even though we all know she is just an illusion.
However, somewhere along the lines, some time after I had kids I lost so much of what made me a great mom back then. The truth is I do lose my patience at restaurants. I do get frustrated. I do yell. I’m not proud of these things, but they are true. The thing is back before I had children I was way better prepared for them. I had anticipated every situation and knew exactly how I would respond should I ever find myself in said situation. I had spent a lot of time figuring out exactly how to talk to my child and handle them so that I wouldn’t yell, or get frustrated, or lose my temper.
So, what the hell happened? Oh yeah, the kids were actually born. And, instead of these hypothetical well-behaved children that listened to my every word and instruction; I birthed these two, living, breathing, minds-of-their-own-even-though-I-brought-them-into-the-world tiny humans. And, those tiny humans, both of them; had a very different agenda than I could have ever anticipated. So, although I was thought I was prepared, in reality I was so lost I couldn’t find the map.
Parenting is kind of like playing the floor is lava, except the chairs are lava, and the tables are lava, and there is nowhere to jump away from the lava, and you are blindfolded, and you haven’t slept in 5 years, and there are two tiny humans walking around you asking what is for dinner and then promptly refusing to eat anything you place in front of them. Man, it’s exhausting. And, sometimes I think where is that parent that had it all together and knew how to handle every single situation? I miss her. Sometimes I have no idea what to do.
But then, it’s also kind of wonderful. Because one day I birthed these two, living, breathing, minds-of-their-own-even-though-I-brought-them-into-the-world tiny humans. And, they are amazing and magical and filled with wonder. They make me stop and pick up legos, even though I didn’t spill them. They help me to find splendor in the small little ants on the ground and building traps for the birds in our neighborhood. (Don’t worry they aren’t even close to building a trap that would actually catch a bird) They pick me flowers and place them gently in water by sunlight so that they last a really long time. They tell me ‘I’m the best girl in the world’ and say they love me ’26’ – which is a really big number when you’re 2.
And all these reasons make it better and help keep me sane even though I lost my mind a long time ago. MTV had a show called Diary. I can relate to that show in exactly ZERO ways – I am none famous. However, the tagline ran, ‘you think you know…..but you have no idea.’ Now that I can relate to. Because, even after 5.5 years of parenting I still have no idea what I’m doing or what it takes to be the best mom. I’m just out here trying my best and trying to remember that parenting is really easy. That is, until you have kids.
thecaptivemother 