20 quick steps to killing it as a parent…

1. Get caught up at work, leave later than anticipated.
2. Get stuck in traffic.
3. Pick kids up at daycare slightly later than usual.
4. Kid’s current hunger level = Could eat.
5. Drive to the grocery store.
6. Kid’s current hunger level, now that they have seen food = Could eat a lot.
7. Rush through the store and get milk, ingredients for dinner, and ice cream because…#supermom!
8. Kid’s current huger level = Asking for food every two minutes whilst saying how hungry they are.
9. Grab a loaf of French bread as an impulse buy on the way to the checkout because…#bread
10. Blood sugar crashes while in the store – start to feel dizzy and slightly faint.
11. Fumble through checkout.
12. Take kids and food to the car.
13. Kid’s current hunger level = literally licking the shopping cart handle.
14. Take the entire end of the French loaf and stuff it in my mouth in an attempt not to pass out on the short drive home.
15. Share some bread with the kids because…#fair
16. Get home and start making dinner.
17. Continue to feed myself and the kids bread the entire time I make dinner. Plus I added butter so….#winning.
18. Kid’s current hunger level = continual bread. #Satiated.
19. Serve dinner, meatball sandwiches, because #health #whole30
20. Kid’s current hunger level = NOT hungry, their stomachs are literally full of bread.

Oh well, ice cream for dessert.

Where my moms at?

 

The other day I was in the holy city of moms, err….parents, err….humans. That’s right I’m talking about Target. I was literally in there for a hot second. I know that may seem impossible, but it was late; I only had four things to get – it would have been five, but I forgot one – and most importantly I was alone. As in, no kids. I know take a minute to let that sink in. So I was enjoying my little vacation getting my few things when I left the store and COULD. NOT. REMEMBER. WHERE. I. PARKED. Like at all. I walked around the parking lot for what seemed like an eternity. I went down three or four different lanes before I found my car. People, I was in the Target for like 15 minutes and in that short time frame I couldn’t remember where I left my car. When I finally found my car I just sat there and thought. I’m totally blaming this on motherhood. Then I started thinking what else can we blame on parenting. Here is my list so far, if you have more leave them in the comments. Please. Where are my other moms at?

Introverts Unite….Separately!

Some signs you may be an introvert!

1. You have prayed to God (whether you believe in one or not) that someone wouldn’t answer their phone so you could leave a message.
2. You have run into something while looking at the ground because you were trying to avoid eye contact with someone else.
3. You have volunteered to take the group picture so that you didn’t have to ask a stranger to take it.
4. You have asked question after question to someone so that you didn’t have to answer any yourself.
5. Your idea of a perfect night out is staying in.
6. You are perfectly comfortable catching up via text msg.
7. You have had a shoe lace emergency, or desperately tried to find something in your purse when the words, ‘turn around and say hi to a few people’ have been spoken at an event.
8. You don’t understand why people think its hard to go to the movies or dinner by yourself.
9. You genuinely care for people, but not all together in large groups.
10. You have put yourself in timeout, away from your kids, because if they touch you one more time……..

Entertaining Kids

 

This is how I feel when my kids are standing in their loft full of toys and they tell me they are bored…

I look around and I think, how could you be bored? Look at all these things you have to play with. It can’t be possible that you are bored. Do you know what I had to play with as a kid? That’s right, lots of toys too. Now, go entertain yourselves.

Have you ever tried to entertain children? Sometimes it is literally the hardest thing you can do.

When Basher was born my husband and I decided not to have a ton of toys. In fact, for the first couple of years of his life we didn’t buy him hardly any at all. I wish I could say that this continued, but somewhere between us making this decision and then 4 birthdays, 4 Christmases and the birth of the Bug later this is no longer the case. In fact, we have a loft full of toys. In general, we haven’t bought the majority of them, but they still exist. In my house. And, my kids have access to them.

So, please riddle me this fellow parents, or people of wisdom if you are not a parent; how do my kids have tons of toys and I still hear the words, ‘I’m bored’ come out of their mouths?

It is really unacceptable to me. Especially when I have seen first hand my sons play with a box for like 2 hours. I have since decided; I don’t believe them anymore. And, even though I am their mom, I can’t entertain them ALL. THE. TIME. They have to learn to do some things on their own. I won’t always be around, you know. Besides, I know the inventory of toys that we have, as I try to sell give them away whenever I can smuggle sneak them across the border out of the house when they aren’t looking. In fact, I’m dealing giving away matchbox cars if you want any. We have around 100 of them. (that i know of) So, I know for a fact there is plenty to play with and they should never be bored.

Therefore in the future, I am not going to entertain their whims about boredom. They will have to do that themselves. In fact, whenever my kids say they are bored I will remind them that they have a limitless imagination, so being bored really isn’t possible. Now go entertain yourselves, lest you find the inventory toys gone one day.

Some nights just call for the ‘F’ word…

You read that right, ladies and gentlemen; I’m talking about fast food. I’m not saying it is a good, or even a wise idea, but sometimes dinner just doesn’t come together the way you need or want it too.

Or sometimes your youngest cries for the two hours leading up to dinner and so the thought of making something at home from scratch actually causes you pain.

It can be overwhelming to get dinner on the table every night and so some nights just call for Chick-Fil-A; or Freddy’s; or Cafe Rio; or a combination of all three depending on who you are trying to appease.

Tonight we went to Freddy’s. It wasn’t great but the kitchen is already clean.

Dawdler

I once saw a quote online that said, ‘only a mom could look at a clock an hour and a half before they have to be some where and think, we’re going to be late.’ Could this resonate any more with us parents? I swear when we are in a hurry there is always something that someone needs to tell me, or show me, or do really quick. It drives me crazy.

One time we were late for a doctor’s appointment and I am trying to rush my son out the door when he stops and looks at the ground. He says, ‘mom, look at this beautiful ant.’ We had to wait until it crawled away from the car so it could go back to his mommy and daddy. ANT. AN ANT. It was a flippin’ ant and it made me even later than we were already going to be.

I am not an expert in languages, but I’m pretty sure that in some language the words, ‘okay, bedtime,’ translate into, ‘come up with any reason not to go to bed.’ I don’t know who taught my son that, but if I ever meet you I will teach your children something equally annoying.

Have you ever noticed how putting on shoes takes anywhere from 15 to 150 minutes depending on the day? How is that even possible? I actually don’t know, but I have witnessed with my own eyes it take that long. There may have been a Twilight Zone episode come to think about it, I’ll have to go check that out.

Once it took my son an hour to finish dinner. AN HOUR. I’m sure he didn’t like it very much but still; I could have eaten dinner, gone for a run, come home and showered in that same hour.

And, then we have the, ‘I want to do it, mom’ stage to look forward to. I mean I love that my kids are becoming more independent, but after I have aged an entire year waiting for my kid to buckle his own car seat, I am ready to just say, ‘Oh, my gosh, just let me do it.’ Child development be damned.

Kids are amazing dawdlers. They get distracted by their own shadows. Literally, my son once stopped while we were crossing the street to show me how high his shadow could jump. This drives me crazy. I can get so irritated by it that I will basically be shouting at my kids to hurry up. I hate when I do that.

Here’s a shameful secret; I too am a dawdler. When my husband reads this I will never hear the end of it, but it’s true. Given the choice between hurrying out the door and checking my email one more time, I will always finish SVU before leaving. Now I am sure I could change the fact that we are late if I starting getting the kids ready at an earlier time. But, getting ready at 9AM for a 5PM meeting seems a little absurd. Although I am a dawdler, decades of urging have taught me to curve this awful habit. Positive reinforcement for arriving on time has all but beaten this terrible inclination out of me. I have learned to ignore so that I can hurry out the door. (see what I did there) The thing is, I’m not sure I want to raise little rushing minions. I don’t want to constantly be using the words, ‘hurry up.’ There are so many things that we have to teach our kids. Things about life and the world and I’m not sure that speed should be one of them. When we are hurrying we often miss things. We’ve all left the house and forgotten something because we were in a rush. I’m not sure that is a lesson that is worth teaching my kids.

When we dawdle we see things that we may have overlooked before. Like the beauty in the sunset, or the power of a thunderstorm, or that ant on its way to its mommy and daddy. Is there anything more important than that ant? Probably, but maybe I should revert to my dawdling roots and slow down with my boys more often. Maybe I will see something that I have been missing. Maybe I will notice the ant and that pause will change the way I see the world. Or, maybe I’ll just be late again and reinforce the parental stereotype!